Snowballs, morphine and missing teeth

snowballSometime soon, we’re going to have an ordinary, straightforward, predictable week at SSi Towers.  I can sense it.  I can practically feel it.  Sometime between now and the end of the year, I’m almost certain.  [And when we do, I’ll probably complain.]

It wasn’t this week, though, no sirree.

This week got off to a fantastic start when the brand-new SSiSnowball arrived – yup, that beast in the picture up there.

It came because of Jeff, who has turned into the major driving force behind our new set of Spanish lessons, which he’ll be publishing on when they’re ready (they’ll be on our main site too, of course, but it’s going to be very interesting seeing what kind of extra exposure they get on a platform like Audible).


Every piece of the production process has come under Jeff’s eye, and I was the last part.  Jeff is so polite when he tells you that what you’ve done isn’t good enough – somehow, perhaps by magic, he seems never actually to tell you, but you finish a conversation with him suddenly aware that you need to do a better job.  Then you email him to ask what he’d recommend, and he says something like ‘Oh, well, if you’d like my recommendation’ and then lets you know what he’s got planned for you.

We did try a ‘proper’ microphone for SSi a few years back.  It was more expensive than this, it looked boring, and it picked up so much bass that it would have needed Jeff to sort it all out – and back then, there was no Jeff.  [Well, there was, probably, but we hadn’t hooked him into learning Welsh.]

This one looks gorgeous, and actually makes the quality of the recordings much better – and if even I can hear the difference, it’s got to be dramatic, because I have what is affectionately known in my family as ‘a complete cloth ear’.

Thrilled and excited by having a desk which looks much more like the desk of someone who records mp3s for a living, I threw myself into the heady delights of recording the first 10 of the new Spanish sessions all over again – and they’re now in a shared folder, so they’ll become real lessons in the not-too-distant future.

Exciting times!

toothacheToo exciting, apparently.

I must have offended Fate.

Fate looked at the way I was swimming through this week, accomplishing stuff, and decided to put a halt to it all.

I don’t mind that.  I mean, Fate happens, doesn’t it?  But next time, Fate, I’d be grateful if you choose a different method of destruction.

Toothache sounds so silly.

Ouch, I’ve got toothache‘ – I mean, you can just hear the ringing lack of sympathy around you.

‘No, seriously, I’ve got toothache.’  ‘What a pity, nos da.’

And then (yes, I’m speaking from experience here) you lie there on your own, trying not to cry, until you realise that this isn’t toothache, this is the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse having pre-season training in your mouth, and you’ve got about two minutes until you start to scream.  Real screaming, none of this ‘Oh, I think my disk has just ruptured’ only-good-for-terrifying-the-children kind of screaming.

IMG_1427And then, blessings be, you remember that  although by some appalling oversight you don’t have any cocaine toothache drops, you do have a stack of morphine, and you whimper, and you gradually wind the whimpering up to a kind of pre-scream pitch until your wife wakes up, and then you demand that she bring you morphine.  And she does, and you fall in love with it.

For about half an hour, at which point the Horsemen shoulder the morphine rudely aside, and you’re back where you started.  I wasn’t awake the whole night – there was a lovely hour and half sometime round about four when I definitely passed out for a while – but the rest of it was wakefulness and, let’s be honest, too much morphine.

For some reason, the dentist thought my initial diagnosis, that the entire jaw needed removing at top speed, was misinformed.  He insisted on going through the process of X-raying my mouth, and asking if I was sure that pulling it out was what I wanted.  Apparently they don’t get many people saying ‘Yes, yes, out with it, are you sure there’s only one?  Shall we get rid of some of the others at the same time?  Come on, man, put a move on, get.  It.  Out.  NOW.’


Since when, I’ve been mostly sleeping.  Yes, it turns out I really did rather overdo it with the morphine, but the fact that I’ve been able to sit here for long enough to type this without falling asleep again suggests that the worst is over.

So I’m going to be back in the recording seat first thing on Monday, and ready to have my most productive week ever.  Oh yes, no doubt about it, next week is going to be the mythical ‘ordinary, straightforward week’.  No doubt about it…



P.S.  Oh, wasn’t I nice not to use the several million pictures of teeth swimming in blood with pliers next to them that Flickr offered me?

You couldn’t handle the truth.

4 responses to “Snowballs, morphine and missing teeth

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